my boyfriend smokes weed

Your Partner Smokes Weed. You Don’t. Will it Work?

Jennifer Rosater
Feb 12 · 6 min read

He’ll Never Stop. You’ll Never Start.

This is about the recreational kind, not the medicinal kind. That’s an entirely different issue.

From the minute we met, he was larger than life to me. I appreciated him and had been grateful for him and loved him…or so I thought.

He was responsible and controlled. He was open and f i ercely loyal to the things and people that mattered to him. He was kind and generous with high standards for integrity and character. I’d never met anyone who was so hard-working and reliable. He had a soft spot for animals and was funny and smart and had a very strong sense of self. He was opinionated but not over the top. He didn’t sugar-coat things and he was very helpful and willing to learn. He made me feel physically safe and protected and it’s the sexiest thing in the WORLD when someone makes you feel that way. He made an effort to be insightful and perceptive.

He genuinely understood when I was worried about my pets, friends, or family and he’d ask about it and listen. I respected that he wasn’t a player. It made me feel loved when he’d make coffee in the morning for me and walk into work and give me yogurt and a banana — how handsome he was when he was getting out of the shower and ready for the day.

I loved how he needed to be comfortable and how great he looked in a hat and how he’d call me “Mama” to his four pets. It was always so sweet when he would give me head butts from his cat and send me texts that she misses me. He made me feel special when he’d kiss me on the cheek! I appreciated that we had the same view on financial stuff and how he’d look to others as mentors. He would ALWAYS, without fail, ask me if I needed him to pick something up for me on the way or when we stopped somewhere together and he ran in for something…not to mention how cute it was that he got lazy when it came to cutting the grass.

On the other hand, there were just as many times I felt that he could have given me loaded dice and I still couldn’t roll a 7 with him. But that’s another article!

Here’s the punchline: We ultimately ended the relationship six months in because he smokes pot, every night, and I’ve only tried it twice over two decades ago and it made me so sick that it’s not even appealing. He respected me enough to not do it around me, but the more time we spent together, the more resentful and mean he was towards me. His choice, ultimately, was to keep the bong and lose the love. I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that he was single for ten years and when I came along, he had something new and different to get excited about. I rocked his world!! Until he decided he wanted his life back the way it was. That’s why they call it dope.

Truth is, he surrounded himself with potheads. I didn’t respect them, and I was a hypocrite to respect him. There was a time when I may have seemed I was okay with it because he made it sound like it was once in a while on the weekend when he was bored. I made no secret of the fact that it bothered me. I told him that if he ever got in trouble with weed, it was over, and not to call me to bail him out.

Then we talked about it again one night and he reinforced that he didn’t do it all the time — in fact he was doing it even less since he met me and his dealer made a comment to him that he wasn’t giving him as much anymore. Then we had a fight he didn’t like and made it very clear it’s never going away. Then he finally admitted that he smoked pot virtually every night since he was 16. To me, that made him a liar.

He either did it less or he did it all the time. It can’t be both. And then he’d turn around and call it “non-addictive”! Whatever. To me, it’s a sad and pathetic way to live…camping out on the couch watching sports while playing video games and smoking pot with his best friend whom he can’t seem to get off his sofa even though he has a wife and kid at home. It was okay for him, but I didn’t want to look back on my life and know that I begged so hard for someone like that to want to choose me. He needed a girl just like him who smokes pot, too, or he’ll never be happy.

After we ended it, I missed him. I tried to convince myself that smoking weed was no big deal. After all, I do love my beer and other people who don’t drink must certainly consider me a raging alcoholic! My brother’s fiancé smokes pot every day, too, and it’s no big deal to her. My brother wants her to stop, but they have a child together, so he stays. I know myself well enough to know that this bargaining was short-term. I would have been able to compromise for a little while, but ultimately, I wouldn’t have wanted to be surrounded by that every single day. Or week. Or year. I don’t care that it’s legal now. Child marriage is still legal and cheating on your partner is legal and I don’t believe in those things, either.

Will it work? That depends on your tolerance level. Do you mind being around it? Does it go against your core value system? Is he willing to put it down to go to a major event with you? It’s really very simple: If your life and relationship isn’t affected and you’re perfectly unopinionated or supportive of it, then great. However, if it’s causing you angst of any kind, you might want to rethink what you want the rest of your life to look like.

Personally, I want to be proud of who I’m with. That’s not something I can ever be proud of. I didn’t need to beg a pot-head marathon gamer sports freak to want me. Neither do you.

Thanks for reading! And remember — Smart people read. Smarter people write!

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From the minute we met, he was larger than life to me. I appreciated him and had been grateful for him and loved him…or so I thought. He was responsible and controlled. He was open and fiercely loyal…